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Dear Kalpa

by ratnawalli - April 1, 2009 at 1:13 am

I thought of writing this, because on the two days I came to see you I couldn’t help noticing that you kept dropping hints, about what you have heard about me, the things people are saying about me. You said with what you know you could have destroyed and you know exactly who I am but you are never going to reveal because you respect women. I assume by all these you mean things about my personal life, that you have learned or think you have learned. As you say you have kept your distance; so obviously we don’t have the kind of relationship where we sit down and discuss each other’s personal life. So I am puzzled as to why you keep referring to my personal life via hints. Shouldn’t my personal life be a no discussion- no interest- no entrance zone to you?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not offended only puzzled. Usually it is only lifetime members of a select club which I call the losers’ club who go around talking about, investigating and taking an interest in my personal life. I naturally get offended by the attentions of the members of the losers’ club. It’s like finding cockroaches crawling all over your meal. But obviously you are not a member. You are this dynamic, happening person who is my ex boss and naturally I am flattered that you took time off your demanding schedule to investigate the intimate side of my life. Also unlike the losers’ club members’ opinion your good opinion is important to me. So when you seem to suggest by your hints that my personal life is some thing negative, something to be ashamed of I am a bit puzzled about what to do.

If we had been on personal life discussing terms with each other and if we had a mutual interest in each others personal lives, I could have happily given you a blow by blow commentary on my personal life, explained the motivations, admitted the mistakes, corrected the incorrect bits and said; yes this is me; this is my life; this is my philosophy; good, bad, sad these are my memories; take it or leave it. But obviously we don’t have this kind of relationship and I can’t do this. All I can do is to make a general statement. I have lived my personal life according to my own rules. They are fair and honest rules. It has been a colourful and happening personal life. Not as colourful and happening as Kate Moss’s, Elizabeth Taylor’s and those kind of people’s but in my own way. This is what has made me me. So I stand by it. Far from being ashamed of it I am modestly proud of it. Although the losers’ club lack the intelligence, sophistication and the cultural background to understand this I hope you will.

I remember when I said “You don’t know who I am Kalpa” you said “Believe me Darshanie I know but I am never going to reveal because I respect women” This dialog is so happening. It belongs in one of those Indian daytime soap operas. But seriously Kalpa if you start going around revealing who I am, I will only be honored and flattered. I mean some ex employers will pretend to have forgotten your name even. To have my ex employer making sensational revelations about my personal life….. I couldn’t wish for a better spokesperson.

Anyway, I am sure your life has been colourful too. All dynamic people have happening personal lives; because after all dynamism, the spark and the fire in a person is nothing but converted sexual energy. The losers’ club will never get this in a million years because to them dynamic is just a word in a dictionary and spark and fire are things that come out of a lighter. So all they can do is to watch and envy and talk.

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