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Dear Rohan

by ratnawalli - May 26, 2009 at 3:30 am
This was written in a white heat of rage on behalf of a friend, who had the misfortune to call a banana republic of an ad agency, her work place for a few months. The original intention was to send this to the intended recipient, but due to the spineless and wormy nature of the said friend,(the cautious and decorous disposition some would say) it wasn’t done.

When you look back on your love life what do you see? A series of women who said no to you and kept on saying no, until they got so revolted; that they had to remove themselves from your presence or until your frustration grew so much; that you had to remove them from your presence in revenge.

And yet there are men, who can make women into slaves for life, with just a simple glance from their eyes. How come you are not one of these men? How come your heavy handed bird hunting technique fails, when those men actually have to live their life fighting off interested females?

When some men touch women, those women start frothing at the mouth and ask for more. The touch of such men can transform a woman’s life, motivate her, and galvanize her. She can live on that thrill for months without food. But how come when you touch women they run a mile? Why do they class your touch firmly with the touch of the common cockroach? Why? Why? Why? Is it BO? Halitosis? Or just the wrong chemical composition of your pheromones?

The world is divided into two categories of men; those who can make it with any woman of their choice and those who can’t. JFK, Clinton, Gamini Fonseka and countless non famous men (peons and laborers among them) belong to the first category. It must come as quite a shock to realize that good old R. Fernando belongs only to the second category.

But dear fellow do not try so hard. Success with women is a bit like achieving orgasm. The harder you try the further away it moves. The trick is to take it easy. Women are like fine tuned violins. The true maestro plays them with the lightest of touches. Only pathetic, desperate amateurs use the chainsaw arm on them. Better luck next time. Hmmm…?

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