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I am Darshanie who also goes by ratnawalli and has the ratnawalli.blogspot.com – ravings of a strange woman. This site is an attempt to incorporate my blog entrees, advertising portfolio and photo gallery into one site to enable me to have an interface to which I can point people and say; this is me, my world view, my work, take it or leave it. But I’d rather you took it than left it.

Whether or not you are interested in finding out who The first man to look upon my naked virgin breasts and compliment them was make it a must read because it is my most memorable piece of writing to date. Also go to http://indi.ca/2009/08/framing-the-elections/ and scroll to the comment space; I am partial to this space because one commenter says to me; ‘Damn you are good. Enjoyed that write up and agree. Keep it up’. Another comment space I am partial to is at http://indi.ca/2009/09/tissainayagam-and-common-sens/ . Not because anyone praises me, but because of the overall intelligence and lack of malice displayed by the commenters. A striking contrast to ground views or transcurrents comment spaces.

My mother and father are first cousins, my paternal grand parents were also first cousins and at least one set of my great grandparents were first cousins. If I could be said to have a borderline personality disorder I have come by it legitimately. But it’s mostly under control.

Here’s an excerpt from my sales pitch or positioning statement seven years ago

“Girl English Copy Writer looking for work. Blah blah blah (Tedious career history). Resigned 30th August 2002. Interesting story there. Can produce authentic resignation letter and acceptance. Personality slightly neurotic, predominantly sweet with aggressive top notes. Has unruly lovely curly hair, hairdressers exclaim over. At least one person has said eyes are mesmerizing. Stands 5 4” in modest heels. Weight 115 lb or less. Due to decorum vital statistics not given. Will wear suggestive dress for interview.

Hopes to get called for appointment to show portfolio.

P.S. – Please call. Credit card statements arriving regularly.”

Seven years down the line, hairdressers still exclaim, still 5 2” in bare feet, only the weight is different. It’s only 107lb now which is fine by me since outgrowing the ridiculous notion that South Indian type hips are attractive.

I think that excerpt is very psychologically telling and the things it’s telling aren’t very encouraging

I think a streak of pure bullshit and a sincere, courageous gallant streak exist side by side in my nature. Which streak becomes dominant at any given moment is not always under my control, but I have an idea that if I stick to a very disciplined regime every day, run every morning, don’t daydream, stick to my time table, etc I can keep the bullshit streak repressed. When I was little my mother did her best to shout down the bullshit streak; really xxxxx (the name she calls me) I am sick and tired of your nonsense, xxxxx, I don’t want to see any of your nonsense when we go to that function/visit relations/have visitors, xxxxx, I have enough work without having to deal with your nonsense. Words to that effect.

Even today when I feel the bs streak trying to surface I shout at it in my mother’s voice.

Talking of psychology I have a confession to make. I cannot read through the symptoms of most neurotic deceases without some of it sounding very very familiar.

This for example;

“Research suggests that people with AvPD, in common with social phobics, excessively monitor their own internal reactions when they are involved in social interaction. However, unlike social phobics they also excessively monitor the reactions of the people with whom they are interacting.”

Or this;

“They often feel a sense of extreme entitlement”

That is if you please the key word to my personality, the driving force, as it were; a sense of extreme entitlement.

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